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First time

1 Aug

The first time I cheated on my husband, it was very tame.  D and I had planned on getting together for the first time in almost six years.  He and I had dated or fucked or something years ago and he got into a relationship and left me.  He cheated on her with me so I suppose it’s only fitting that if I was ever going to cheat on B, it would be with D.  But D’s wife had died a few months prior and we had started talking.

Of course all the talk started out tame.  Talks of we had fun in the past, I’m sure we can have fun without sex was my major theme.  I had never even considered cheating on B.  I love him so much and never want to hurt him.  But then D had a dream.  A very vivid dream about me.  Specifically tying me up and dominating me.  Something I had always enjoyed.

So the talk turned sexual.  Then we made some plans.  I still didn’t want to cheat on B but I was still drawn to D.  I laid out ground rules.  We were to stay either fully clothed or not touch each other.  Texts flew back and forth, remembering what we had done in the past, wishing things that should not happen.  We had phone sex for the first time on his wife’s birthday.  He was depressed that night.

So the day came that I drove the hour to visit him.  B knew I was going to visit him.  I got to his house and things played out almost exactly like I had planned.  But I left D very… unfulfilled.  I felt like the worst person in the world.  I cried most of the way home.  I pulled myself together and reapplied make up vowing to never do anything like that again.

That lasted until the next morning.  I felt very little guilt the next day.  And I still feel very little guilt after almost two months of cheating on B.

I’m not writing this for other people to read but I have so many thoughts and emotions that I have to express so I don’t start to have stomach problems.  But for right now, I’m sleepy and want to cuddle with my sleeping husband.